Debbie Jones, Funeral Celebrant


Bodywise: Hello Debbie, you offer bespoke funeral services through our website. Could you describe the various services?

Debbie Jones: In this context, ‘bespoke’ means aiming to provide exactly what those closest to the person who has died would like, i.e. what they feel would be most helpful to them in celebrating and honouring a life, as well as in acknowledging the deep sorrow and grief they may be feeling.
Every person, every family, group of friends, and situation is different. So, in order to understand how to create the most fitting, personal ceremony, I need to actively listen to what’s being said when I visit, and also to understand the unspoken words sometimes, the bigger picture.

Once I’ve written a ceremony script, I share it with the family and friends. They always have the opportunity to edit a script in any way they would like, and I support them in doing so. In this way, each ceremony is unique and there is a feeling of ‘ownership’ for those it was written to serve.

A funeral ceremony might be at a crematorium, a cemetery, in someone’s garden or house, at a natural burial ground, a hotel or pub function room… the choices are wonderfully open in the UK. It could be simply an informal gathering of a few close ones, with cups of tea all round.

Here are just a few bespoke aspects of funerals I’ve written and led:

  • a ‘New Orleans – style’ jazz trio leading the way into the chapel for a jazz trombonist grandma.
  • the person who’d died arriving in style, carried by a specially adapted tandem hearse, ridden by family and accompanied by many friends and family members on their bikes too.
  • an intimate ceremony with just a mum and brother present. Simply a conversation between us, with a few jokes from the brother, was all they needed.

I see myself as the ‘voice’ for those loved ones who feel they would rather someone else leads the ceremony and holds the space. I am open to including whatever they would like. I am always very happy to lead Christian hymns and prayers, for example, if that feels important.

BW: What led you to become a funeral celebrant?

DJ: A combination of factors;

  • a desire to help, to serve, and to be in more ‘real’ communication with others whose emotions are raw and exposed.
  • I had, and still have (but less so) a fear of losing my loved ones to death, and had a sense that it could be helpful to ‘walk closer’ to grief, to those who have been bereaved, to try to understand, witness, and support them on their journeys.
  • I met a celebrant! Before then, I hadn’t heard the term and didn’t know about the role.
  • I had a cancer scare and realised I was ready to leave my teaching career.
  • The Buddhist teachings on death and impermanence drew me in, they feel so true, so important. And, at the same time, I still feel scared of dying.

BW: What do you love about your job?

DJ: People! Those I meet, with whom I spend such intimate time, who share so much with me, and those I will never meet but whose life-stories inspire me.
I work with people from every walk of life and over the years have developed a rich, new faith in humanity. There are so many kind and extraordinary people out there!

I also love the freedom and creativity, dreaming up rituals together, and writing in a way that feels supportive, honest and honouring.

BW: Why would one choose an independent celebrant such as yourself, rather than go with the funeral director’s choice?

DJ: A funeral director is the person who suggests the officiant (i.e. the minister or celebrant) for the funeral, and helps the family choose the cars, hearse, venue and flowers. They will do all the necessary paperwork and book the crematorium, liaising with all the offices, and booking the music choices and photo tribute, if chosen as an option. They will also take care of the person who’s died, until the day of the funeral.

Some funeral directors might book the same celebrant for all their secular funerals, whereas others will match the celebrant they think is the ‘best fit’ for a family or group of friends.

However, it’s important to note that there is no legal requirement to use a funeral director. It is possible to do, or arrange, everything, or some parts, yourself. This might open up choice and save you money too.

A celebrant meets the closest family and friends, listens, makes lots of notes, writes the ceremony and leads it on the day.
Booking a celebrant directly enables you to choose the one who feels most ‘right’ for you and for your loved one who’s died. A wise approach might be to talk to a few different celebrants before you make your choice.
This would be far easier to do in advance. At the time of need it is not so easy, of course, as you are contending with many other demands, as well as struggling with grief.

BW: Tell us something about yourself

DJ: I love singing. And swimming, especially scuba-diving in tropical, colourful, underwater worlds!

BW: What’s one of your Desert Island Discs?

DJ: Oh this is so difficult! Today’s choice is… ‘Breaths’ by Sweet Honey in the Rock.

To get in touch with Debbie or find out more, please check our Funerals page.